


a year in the making

by emsel



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Loneliness, M/M, Slow Build, Strangers to Lovers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-31
Updated: 2019-01-31
Packaged: 2019-10-01 17:25:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 32
Words: 13,283
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17248361
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/emsel/pseuds/emsel
Summary: Louis used to do a lot but now he doesn't. Harry tries to do it all. Things can change in a year.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not sure how this happened. Or if it's a good idea. But I'm going to post 100-1000 words (probably not) every day for a year and see where it takes me. Apologies in advance.

It wasn't the worst of times but it sure wasn't the best of times either. To be exact, or as exact as he could be after he had turned his phone off, it was sometime after 10 P.M. on New Year's Eve. And Louis Tomlinson was alone in his kitchen waiting for the kettle to boil.

Maybe things would be different next year. Maybe a year from now Niall would have another party and he'd be there. Laughing and talking. An hour away from kissing someone he loved at midnight.

But that was in the future. It was still New Year's Eve 2018 and he was alone in his kitchen. Waiting for the kettle to boil.

 


	2. Chapter 2

Harry's body was aching and that was just ridiculous. His body was better than that. It could handle alcohol and it could survive a night on Gemma's couch, contorted to make room for the cat. The cat who had refused to come for a cuddle when he'd stumbled in around two but then decided to sleep between his knees. Not as cozy.

Should he stretch? Should he move as little as possible? Should he fall back down on the couch now that he'd managed the trip to the bathroom? Sleep for another hour?

”Do you want coffee?”

”Fucking hell, woman, no need to yell,” he grumbled and saw Gemma roll her eyes. It looked painful and he would not attempt it. ”Yes, please.”

He slowly approached the sink to get some water that he drank in small careful sips, all the while complaining about his failing body and how he had definitely been poisoned at the party. Gemma showed absolutely no sympathy. Much like her cat.

”Lulu is a strong independent woman and can decide who she wants to cuddle and when.”

Gemma placed both coffee mugs on the kitchen table and sat down to cradle her own mug in both hands and Harry who had just dared a bigger sip of water spat it right back out.

”What the fuck is that?”

Not like he didn't know what it was. But what was it doing on his sister's finger? And who did she think she was acting all faux innocent and looking at her hand like it was no big deal?

”Oh, this? Guess I'm getting married.”

Adrenaline helped Harry move at an impressive speed to pull Gemma up for a hug and then just as fast move back to look at the gorgeous ring. They squealed and gushed until Gemma needed to cough up a lung. Apparently she hadn't been cured from the flu the second Sam had proposed.

”To think you were all snotty and pathetic and he still wanted to marry you,” Harry sighed and slumped down on a chair.

”Incredible, isn't it,” Gemma wheezed.

”And here I am. In absolute perfect health, in my prime, and not even your cat wants me. Where is my ring?”

”Wow. This was about me for almost two minutes.”

Harry ignored her. ”All I'm saying is I was definitely supposed to get married first. I don't understand.”

”Well, we're thinking late summer or maybe autumn for the wedding so I guess you have about six months.”

”To find the love of my life, hope that it's mutual and that he's willing to marry me just to beat you?”

Gemma shrugged. ”Stranger things have happened.”

”Yeah. You getting married.” He smiled when Gemma stuck her tongue out. She was getting married. And since he wouldn't have a wedding of his own to plan any time soon he was not going the miss the chance to get heavily involved with hers. He had so many ideas.

 


	3. Chapter 3

Louis had taken the clock down on new year's eve when its steady announcement of time passing by had seemed annoyingly loud.

He'd put it back up yesterday when the silence had become a bit too much.

But now it was back on its bullshit and he just didn't know. He'd been fine with silence but suddenly it was almost unbearable. The absolute quiet of no clock was bad but the ticking somehow enhanced the silence and made it eight times worse.

An analogue clock on the wall did have the benefit of showing him if he was late for work without also being a device through which Niall could reach him. But did it have to be so loud?

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I added the tag "slow build" because seriously. Louis is in some kind of place right now but he will get out of there eventually.


	4. Chapter 4

Harry had been back to work for a day, and while he'd spent that first day getting on top of things and making sure the year was off to a smooth start, it didn't feel like the library was officially back in business until the stitch 'n bitch ladies started to drop in just before ten. On the event calendar the Thursday activity went under ”Knitting group”, but the ladies themselves were all for stitch 'n bitch with some ”happy hookers” thrown in the mix. Harry had tried both knitting and crochet and been terrible at both but he always dropped in on them for a biscuit and a minute of gossip.

They all greeted him as they passed him on their way to the Blue room. ”Don't forget to put up the sign, Harry!” and ”Hope you haven't got any silly new year resolutions, Harry! Fiona's made lemon cake!”

Harry brought the sign out from under the desk and promised to check in on them when it was time for cake. Fiona's lemon drizzle was the shizzle. In the words of Fiona's grandson – not Harry. But it always made him giggle.

He was just putting the sign up when the lady in question arrived, the famous cake in the basket of her walker. ”Think we can hook some new ones today?” she asked with a nod to the sign. ”Hordes,” Harry replied. ”I tweeted about it yesterday _and_ today. I'm expecting at least a dozen teens considering school's still out. Hope you made enough cake!”

Fiona just cackled like she had little faith in Harry's social media skills and honestly same, but it could happen? Not that the knitting group had had any new people join in since... week three? Not that it really mattered. As delighted as the ladies would be to have some new blood, they were happy with the way things were and had adopted Harry and his clumsy fingers and made it their mission to stuff him full of cake and figure out a way to end his single life.

”Maybe someone will show up to this yoga thing tomorrow!” Anne-Marie said as she threaded a needle with green thread for her cross-stitch.

Harry groaned and reached for a second slice of cake. He'd thought free yoga for beginners was an excellent idea and he felt confident about his ability to teach but... ”I very much doubt it. Three people have signed up. I'm gonna need you all to come.”

”Oh, no.”

”You need less of us here not more. I'm already doing crafts on Mondays.”

”You need the young hotties. Have you tweeted about it?”

”Yes, Fiona, I have tweeted about it. But I don't think the young hotties follow the library on twitter. Or are free for yoga Fridays at ten.”

”You never know, they might have clicked on you by accident?” Maggie offered and wasn't that a nice thought. ”Besides, not everyone works nine to five. Or work at all.”

”You could meet your future husband tomorrow!”

That optimism led him to share the news about Gemma's engagement and they all cheered and sent their well-wishes even though they'd never met her. Someone asked how Gemma and Sam had met and when Harry explained how they'd met through work they immediately told him that the same could absolutely happen to him.

”I should go then. Maybe he's already here and needs my help with the printer.”

Anne-Marie, the resident romantic, tutted. ”You're joking, but it could definitely happen. You just have to be open to it.”

Harry swallowed the last piece of cake with the bottom dregs of his tea. ”I'll work on that. Thanks for the cake!”

 


	5. Chapter 5

”You done avoiding me now?”

”Yes.” He'd even gone as far as thinking about reaching out himself, but decided against it since it was past nine on a Friday night and Niall actually had a social life. Or so he'd thought. ”No exciting plans tonight?”

”Nah, just me and the couch. Watched the football. Had some beer.”

Louis shut the microwave door on his leftovers and grabbed a beer of his own from the fridge. ”What are you wearing?”

Niall snorted. ”Some sexy, sexy joggers, mate. Haven't been washed this year.”

”Well good thing it's only Jan 4 then.”

”Speaking of the new year...” Niall segued smooth as anything and Louis just brought phone, beer and pasta to the couch to settle in for a Talk. ”And the radio silence... You good?”

”Yeah.” Well, he hadn't been, but it was better. Work was better than two days off with nothing to do while the world had all these plans to celebrate endings and beginnings. It had all worked together to get him a bit stuck in his head and he said as much to Niall.

”You had things to do, though,” Niall argued over the speaker as Louis stabbed and twirled his linguine. ”But you never planned to show up, did you?”

”I thought about it?” It was a weak offer but it wasn't a lie. He'd thought about it rather a lot. He'd looked at trains, looked at his wardrobe, looked at Niall's instagram to suss out who else might be at the party. And then new year's eve arrived and the departure time for the last possible train came and went with Louis still in pyjamas and he'd never really made the decision not to go until time had made it for him.

”It's okay to just say no, you know? If you didn't want to come.”

”I wanted to!” Kind of. Or, it was nice to have the option. To get an invitation. To feel like you at least had someone who still cared enough to ask you to things even when you kept saying no and holed up on the other end of the country. But try explaining that without sounding absolutely pathetic.

Judging by the pity in Niall's voice he hadn't succeeded.

”I miss you, bud. I'll always want you here. And if you can't turn things around up there I'll come and drag you down here. I have an extra bedroom. Daily cuddles. I don't like the thought of you all alone and lonely.”

Louis didn't even bother arguing that he wasn't. There were times when the loneliness made him want to cry. But just as often the idea of never getting close to another person ever again felt fine. Or at least like something he could handle. But again; try explaining that without getting pitied. Better not.

”I can make friends.” He wasn't sure he remembered how it worked. Or if the person he was now was actually capable of it.

”Of course you can!” Niall said with more confidence than Louis could muster and then immediately went way too far. ”Maybe you could even make some friends that are cute boys.”

Hahaha. ”Nope.”

”I'm just saying - ”

”Nope.”

”Handsome and rugged men?”

More age appropriate but still a nope. ”Niall, I wouldn't know what to do with a cute boy or a handsome and rugged man if they threw themselves at me. The antidepressants are fucking with my sex drive. Or the depression is. Or they both are. Cheers!”

”Well that sucks.” Niall seemed stumped. For twenty seconds or so which honestly was as much time as Louis wanted to spend thinking about it so he was grateful. ”You need to make some friends though. I'm serious about coming to get you!”

Louis put the emptied tupperware on the table and took the phone off speaker when he looked at the time. The late dinner would keep him up a while but he needed to wind down for bed. A bath? A nature documentary?

”How long do I have then? Before you kidnap me?” He was joking but the humming on Niall's side sounded an awful lot like serious consideration.

”Two months? Yeah, I'd say two months. And I'm gonna need some proof. Photographic evidence.”

Oh, God. How had this become his life? ”Of what?”

”Texting. Lunching. Something like that. And you could pick someone from work but bonus points if you don't.”

”What do you mean _bonus points_? When did points get involved?”

”Like three seconds ago. I'm clearly making this up as I go along but I'll let you know when I've got it all figured out.”

”Okay, call me.”

”I will. And you better pick up! Or let me know you're alive at least. I don't want to worry about you.”

Louis needed more friends but he was pretty sure he couldn't find any better. Too bad he was such a shitty one in return. ”You shouldn't have to.”

”Well, that's technically my business and nothing for you to feel guilty about. Do you want to watch _Blue Planet_?”

 

 

 


	6. Chapter 6

What Harry wanted was a meet cute. It could happen at the library like his knitting girls had suggested. The love of his life could show up with a pile of overdue Nicholas Sparks novels, a sheepish smile on his face and a huge fine to pay. Just to name one of the possible scenarios Harry may have imagined during a slow Thursday afternoon.

What Harry knew was that Fate was a busy lady and sometimes you had to do things yourself. So he'd downloaded the Tinder app again. Not exactly the kind of romance he wanted in his life but he wanted regular cuddles. Regular _sex_. And to start a family in a not too distant future. He had to start somewhere.

Like in a very nice restaurant, with a _very_ nice bottle of wine on the table and a very boring man on the other side of it. He understood being nervous on a first date and he understood wanting to promote yourself but the guy hadn't stopped talking for two seconds. Hadn't stopped talking about himself for two seconds. No wait. He had asked what Harry did for a living and then if he'd read any good books lately because that was the obvious question to someone who worked in a library. Then he'd said he hadn't heard of any of the titles Harry mentioned, despite being decently well-read if he may say so himself, and started talking about his own favourite books.

And now Harry was home in bed with some strawberry-rhubarb crumble he'd found in the freezer and every intention to read something not written by a white, middle-aged man. But the book remained unopened next to him as he scrolled through instagram and liked a few photos of cute dogs and cute babies and left a comment on Niall's cooking endeavors.

Then he sighed and opened Tinder.

 


	7. Chapter 7

Louis spent Sunday not out friend hunting but at home. Alone. Talking to absolutely no one except his mother. And that was only meant to be a short conversation but lasted two cups of tea with her filling him in on basically everything. The point was he'd made no effort whatsoever to work on the friend thing. Not that he didn't see the benefits of a social life. But it could wait. While he cooked. Did some laundry. Watered his plants. Cleaned out the fridge. Built up some courage.

He could see that Niall was right. He did need connections. Meaningful ones. His latest bout of depression had at least in part, probably a pretty big part, been caused by isolation. He could see all that. He just wasn't sure he could see a way out of it. Where did you even start?

 


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello. I have done this for an entire week. Incredible. So far we've established that Louis is lonely and should probably find some friends and that Harry would very much like a boyfriend. Or husband.  
> They'll meet this week btw.

Harry had a spinning class every Monday night and hated every second of it. He'd used to claim life was too short to do things you didn't love, but it turned out life was quite long and you needed to fill some parts of it with shit you didn't like. Like spinning.

”But it feels good after.”

”Does it though, Rob? Does it really?”

”Yes! Endorphins!”

Rob was one of the librarians who also took the spinning class every Monday but loved it because he was weird. Weird, but kind of right about the endorphins. Harry always forgot. But they also went to pub quiz together once a month and that too released endorphins but was way more enjoyable.

”Wanna get something to eat or are you skint after the holidays?”

Lying on his back on one of the benches in the changing room Harry sent a thought to the perfectly edible things in his kitchen. That he would have to eat alone. ”I think I can afford dinner. Just let me lie here for a minute.”

They went for burgers and talked about work. Rob was excited about the creative writing class starting at the end of the month. A popular local author was coming to teach and there were no places left.

”Any chance you can get that group together a few weeks early to take my yoga class?” Harry said and was only half joking. ”They'd get a chance to get to know each other ahead of the writing. And it would help them open their minds and stuff. Get the creative flow going.”

Rob chewed rapidly. ”You know what, I'm sending out an email tomorrow to the people who signed up. I could definitely mention and welcome them to our other activities.”

”You don't actually have to do that. I just feel like a failure.”

”Why? Because five people showed up to the yoga?”

”Three. Three people.” Harry tried not to pout but definitely did.

”That's not bad! You can't expect a full house for everything.”

He had. ”Not full, but I did expect more people to be interested. I really pushed for this, you know.”

”I know you did,” Rob nodded and gave Harry's shoulder a comforting squeeze. ”Personally I think it's a great idea. But people aren't always ready for great things, for whatever reason, and you have to wait for them to get to where you are.”

Wasn't that deep and profound for a Monday night burger?

 

 


	9. Chapter 9

In Niall's not yet fully worked out point system for Louis' friend challenge, making friends with co-workers gave no bonus points. Which was fine. He liked his co-workers well enough, but he was the only man at the care home where he worked and most of the women were ten to fifteen years his senior. Nothing wrong with that, but he'd had no real desire to spend time with them outside of work. Still hadn't really. Yet he heard himself do a thing in the breakroom and Jade heard him too but apparently not good enough because she asked him to repeat it.

”I just wondered if this choir is just for women?”

”No! But it's mostly middle-aged women. And gays. So basically just like work,” Jade laughed and turned in her chair to involve Louis in her conversation with Mary. He cleared his throat and focused on dunking his teabag when he continued:

”And what do you sing?”

”Like pop songs from like the sixties to now. And some show tunes. We're like Glee! Without the drama. And we don't compete. Or perform really. It's just for fun.”

Jade seemed happy to just tell him about it, but Mary was the one who knowingly narrowed her eyes and pushed it further. ”Do you want to give it a try, Louis?”

He hesitated and glanced at Jade who had frozen in some kind of shocked excitement. ”Do you sing?! I didn't know!”

”I mean... I'm not great or anything but I'd probably do okay in a group like that. And it sounds... fun.”

”It is! Super fun! God, I get to pick a song if I bring in a new member... Please come tonight!” Jade was nearly bouncing and her enthusiasm was quite infectious.

It was all a bit sudden and nothing he'd imagined even ten minutes ago. But a night of googling ”how to make friends” had made him feel rather pathetic and he needed to do something.

So he said yes.

 


	10. Chapter 10

If someone asked what day of the week was Harry's least favourite at work, they'd never get the answer Wednesday. Because he loved kids. _Loved_ them. And Wednesday was for some reason the day a minimum of three school classes always showed up. Which Harry loved. _Loved_. But it always felt like a smaller tornado swept through the library and left the place a mess and his ears ringing.

And when he'd cleaned up and started to regain his normal hearing, the after school YA book club – currently called ”kpop and 'kay books” - flooded the place. It was honestly baffling how a group of maybe ten teenage girls could be so... much. But he loved that they could. _Loved_.

And they were mainly Perrie's job anyway.

”You okay there, Harry?” she asked on her way through to the teen cave with her arms full of books and Harry waved from his position on the floor where he was trying to coax a displaced Wimpy Kid book out from under a sofa.

”Just brilliant, thanks. Light headache.”

”Aww, first Wednesday after a school holiday is always the worst. We'll be in better shape for it next week. But I'm thinking quiet night tonight, yeah?”

”Would be nice,” Harry agreed and put the runaway book on its shelf.

Would be nice but wouldn't happen since he had a community theatre meeting and those things were never quiet.

But at least there wouldn't be any children.

 


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry. I meant to tell you at least something about Tuesday night's choir (which went well, I'm pretty sure), but my mind went somewhere else today.

You'd think his first choice after the accident wouldn't be to work in a place where people occasionally, ultimately, died, but Louis had never seen it that way. He'd worked at care homes every summer since sixth form all the way through university and when everything else stopped that's where he'd gone.

Yes, people died. But death was never a violent and massively unfair event. They had lived. They had stories for days. And if he couldn't tell any stories of his own he could listen to theirs.

”Have I ever told you about Charles?” Helen asked as Louis carefully rubbed lotion on her arms.

He shook his head and raised a teasing eyebrow. ”You're not about to tell me about some royal scandal, are you?”

”Of course not,” Helen snorted. ”He's not much of a looker is he? My Charles, my first husband Charles, was very handsome. But he wasn't very good with his hands.”

”Helen!”

”Well he wasn't! I'm not trying to make you uncomfortable.” She gave him a look that told him to go on and he realised he'd abruptly stopped and laughed a little as he continued. ”All I'm saying is that he wasn't good with his hands. I loved him dearly, but he just wasn't a very tactile person. He so rarely touched me and I got used to it, didn't really know any different. Being old and alone is a bit like that time, only now I know what I'm missing.”

Helen got that wistful look on her face that usually meant she was thinking of her second husband and Louis pumped out some more lotion. ”George was different?” he prompted and Helen sighed.

”He was. In every way really, but definitely in that regard. He was always good for a cuddle in front of the telly and never shied away from showing affection in public either. And it came so easy to him. To stroke my hair or just lightly touch my shoulder in passing. And all of that is so important. Make sure to find yourself a man who is good with his hands, dear.”

”I'll do my best,” Louis promised and ignored the sudden lump in his throat as he finished up the hand massage.

 

 


	12. Chapter 12

According to math there should be five people at Friday's yoga lesson because Harry had convinced two more people to attend. But since one of the originals hadn't come back for seconds, which he tried very hard not to take as critique, all he had was four.

And he kind of regretted asking Jake.

Which was an awful thing to even think but ogling your students was an awful thing to do so it... evened out? Jake just had a really great bum. And was extremely limber. And kind of exactly Harry's type. Except he was twenty-one and twenty-one was not Harry's type.

Technically he hadn't asked Jake. He'd asked Kate and Ella at the theatre meeting and Jake had been close enough to hear and insert himself in the conversation and invite himself. All Harry could do was smile and say welcome because it would be good for statistics and he couldn't very well say ”no, your bum will be too distracting”. Jake would have loved hearing that.

”Wow, Harry, that felt amazing!” he purred when all was namaste'd and done. ”I'll have to come back next week.”

Great. ”Thank you. Kate? How are you feeling?” Harry reached out a hand to Kate who was still on her mat.

”My body is very confused about some of the things it just did,” she answered. ”I'm more of a one direction girl. Run forward, you know? Not all this bending. I'm gonna need some time to recover and think about this.”

”Please come back next week,” Harry begged.

”We'll be here,” Jake promised and dragged Kate off the floor and told her to get her shit together before turning back to Harry. ”Any plans for tomorrow night?”

Oh God. ”Not sure yet. You?”

”We're gonna go clubbing. You should come!”

Oh _God_. That sounded like a horrible idea. ”Yeah, maybe.”

”You still have my number, right?” Jake asked and Harry nodded because he pretty much never deleted a number and Jake's was good to have for theatre stuff. ”Text me if you decide to come out. We'll have some fun!”

_Oh God_.

 

 


	13. Chapter 13

Louis had definitely enjoyed clubbing before. The rush of drinking, dancing and having someone you had never met and might never meet again pressed against you. Now he had to try very hard to find anything close to that excitement. And for once it had less to do with the fact that he was a different person now and more with the fact that he was an older person now. Looking at the dance floor made him feel practically ancient.

But maybe age didn't matter. He wasn't there to pull. All he needed was for someone to put their hands on him. Someone on the floor would find him attractive enough to bring him close for a minute. That's all he needed. A minute. He just needed to actually get down there to have a chance at that minute.

The conversation with Helen the other day had haunted him. He'd tried to remember the last time anyone had touched him with any kind of love. He hadn't been home for Christmas. They tried to make a visit happen every month, either he went home or some constellation of family came out to see him, but November hadn't worked out so he hadn't had a hug since October. And it was one of the things he just didn't think about because it was better not to. But then Helen put an end to that blissful ignorance.

What he was looking for here was different of course. Not what George had given Helen. Not the comfort of his mum or the teasing affection of his sisters. Not Ernest getting into his lap for cuddles and stories. Not love. Just something physical. Some intent.

He could use a drink first. He couldn't get drunk enough to lose himself but he could get one drink and then do his best to pretend he was twenty again. Or go home and look into massage.

He made his way to the bar. It was late and he knew his time was running out and that he'd probably let it. But things were slow at the bar and he soon had a stool to sit on and a drink in front of him. He should drain it and get on with it. He didn't suffer from any anxiety; he didn't fear the crowd. He didn't have any real interest in the people swaying and grinding, he just needed to get close to them.

He drained the glass.

”Will you marry me?”

Louis looked away from the dance floor to find a source to the question. A man on his left had his cheek pressed to the bar and his eyes fixed on him. The empty glass in front of him was probably not the first he'd had.

”I'm sorry?”

”You are very pretty and I would like to get married. We could make babies.”

Jesus. ”Don't think we could, mate,” he said and was faced with a pout.

”But I want babies. And my sister is getting married and that is just prespot – prespotter -”

”Preposterous?”

”Yes! She never wanted to play barbie wedding. Or teddy bear wedding. Or any kind of wedding.”

He sat up and swayed slightly as he leaned closer and Louis worried he'd have a lap full of messy-haired and drunk stranger but the man grabbed on to the bar. He had nice hands. Lots of rings but none of them on the finger where he seemed to want one.

”Well, best of luck to your sister. And to you.” Louis slipped off his stool and smoothed down his jumper as he looked back out at the dancers. Someone out there wasn't looking for love and marriage and would be happy to just put their hands on his body.

 

 

 


	14. Chapter 14

”I thought you were going to sink. You were so slow you were barely moving.”

”Oh, do shut up,” Harry grumbled. ”I would still float.”

Hannah cackled and added an unhealthy amount of salt to her eggs but who was he to judge anyone about anything. She hadn't spent last night making mistakes and she'd kicked his arse in the pool. He should just shut up and eat his beans.

”What did you even do last night?”

”I went clubbing with Jake and his friends.” He said it fast and shoveled some sausage and beans into his mouth.

”No! Jake from theatre?” Nod. ”Jake who's practically a teenager?” Nod and wince. ”Jake who has a crush on you?” Harry buried his face in his hands. ”Did you have sex?” Silence. ”Harry.”

”He is twenty-one.”

”Yeah, well... The crush thing is probably the bigger problem here.”

She was right. It was going to be an awkward theatre season. But he'd been drunk and horny and Jake had offered a place to stay and a blowjob and Harry was too old for this shit.

”I just want to fast-forward to a time where Saturday nights will be me on the couch with my husband.”

”Wouldn't it be nice. Unfortunately you do have to put some work in. And the club isn't the best place to find a lover.”

”What the fuck does Ed Sheeran know about anything?” Harry stabbed his mushrooms and then abruptly dropped his fork. ”I proposed.”

Hannah's eyebrows disappeared under her fringe. ”To Jake?!”

”No! Are you mad?! Someone else. At the bar. I didn't know him. He had a great profile.”

”Yes, that's definitely less mad than proposing to Jake.”

This was why Harry met up with her for swimming and brunch every Sunday no matter how hungover he was. And this Sunday he was incredibly hungover and suffering with every memory that returned to him.

”I told him we should make babies.”

”I'm guessing he declined all offers of baby making and marriage since you went home with Jake.”

Harry groaned. ”I wish he hadn't. I'm pretty sure he was hot. And it would have saved me from a lot of awkwardness with Jake.” He sighed and looked down at his plate. ”I'm gonna need more bacon.”

 


	15. Chapter 15

A beach in the north of England in January was a great place if you wanted to be cold and alone. But the sea was there and that's why he'd come. Today when the walls were closing in and he'd had to get out of the house, but also the reason he'd moved in the first place. That big, dramatic move. Walls had been closing in then too and the coast had seemed like the only place that would let him breathe. And it had. Things had been better. But moving to a new city in your late twenties was its own kind of insanity.

But the sea.

Maybe he should see if Daisy and Phoebe wanted to come for a week again in the summer. It had been nice last year, but being responsible for two teenage girls sounded like quite the nightmare. Perhaps Doris and Ernest would be easier. For a weekend.

He walked closer to the water. Hands deep in his pockets he could almost feel the unanswered texts from Niall burning in his phone. He would answer, always answered within a few hours, because he was trying. But Niall wanted to talk and it shouldn't sound as ominous as it did. He loved talking to Niall. Yet he hadn't texted back to say they could talk tonight after he got off work.

There was nothing to fear. What could Niall do? Yell at him for not trying harder to make friends? Not asking any of the choir people out for a friendly coffee or accepting that drunk proposal from Saturday night?

There was everything to fear. Niall could tell him he'd had enough. Of having to take care of him, of always being the one to reach out, of constantly giving and not getting anything in return. Of Louis.

Tired of his brain he got his phone out. _Sounds serious_ he sent and got a quick reply that assured him that it wasn't. _You free to talk now?_

Instead of replying, Louis hit the call button.

And standing by the sea he let Niall talk and remind him that not everything was about him and not every talk meant bad news.

”I'm in love,” Niall said.

”Tell me about him,” Louis said.

And Niall did.

 

 


	16. Chapter 16

If someone asked what day of the week was Harry's favourite at work the answer would always, always be Tuesday. Because Tuesday was baby day. As the children's and teen librarian, Perrie was in charge of most of the kid activities at the library, but she'd happily passed on the Bounce and Rhyme time to Harry.

”Babies are scary as fuck,” she'd confessed when she'd asked if he'd be okay with running the show on his own. ”Or like, the whole idea of them. And they're so tiny!”

Harry had been more than okay with it. He was also okay with the whole idea of babies. He wanted them. And until that could happen, Bounce & Rhyme was the highlight of his week. He got to sing and giggle with toddlers? There was always a crawler who made their way to his lap? Sometimes he got to hold an infant, like today when Milly proudly introduced her new baby brother that she'd got for Christmas? Highlight of the week.

”He can't clap or sing,” she told him.

”That's okay,” he said as the baby squeezed his finger and his heart. ”He can listen.”

Thirty minutes of singing and dancing and bouncing and clapping and noisy instruments went by too fast as usual, and before he knew it he was putting the props back in the Magic Box of Mystery and singing the bye-bye song.

”You should work with kids, mate,” Rob greeted after having watched Harry finish up and say goodbye.

”I do.”

”I mean all the time.”

The thought had crossed his mind but Harry shook his head. ”I like the mix here.”

”Well, you're great with them. And parents love you. I'm pretty sure just looking at you is a highlight of some of the mums' week. I know Nat came mostly to ogle you.”

Harry smirked. ”You can tell your wife I'm happy to come by and play with the kids so she can ogle me some more. You ready for lunch?”

They'd stopped at Rob's work station and he nodded. ”Yes, in a minute. I just need to check something. And you should come by. And wear that shirt. Adam loves polka dots at the moment.”

”I do too!” He always saved his best and most colourful – or hideous and garish according to some - shirts for Tuesdays. The pink polka dot was a favourite.

A muttered curse from Rob made him look up with worry. ”Problem?”

”Seems like I don't have a teacher for the creative writing class anymore. And it's meant to start next week.”

”Oh.”

”Could say that.” Rob looked like he wanted to use other words. ”You don't happen to know someone who can write? And teach?”

 


	17. Chapter 17

Louis had _Waterfalls_ stuck in his head all morning after they'd sung it at choir. This new guy, Liam, had picked it. Tradition was, Jade had explained, that if you brought a newbie you got to choose a song. But in Liam's case he'd brought himself after looking up choirs online and he'd been all deer in headlights at the offer to pick a song. Only to blurt ”Waterfalls!” and perform Left Eye's rap flawlessly.

Louis had been the new guy for exactly one week but he was perfectly fine with being replaced. He wasn't there to be a star or anything; he just wanted to sing and meet some people. And the people were nice. He'd talked to Liam and Jade during the water break. As the youngest ones there, they'd somehow found each other. And Liam had not only been insanely talented, he'd been really nice too.

”Yes, Jade, Liam was nice.” Louis rolled his eyes because he had an inkling where this was going. They were standing outside bingo and Jade had found a topic to discuss while they waited for it to end.

”He's also really hot and you should get his number.”

It went there. Very fast. ”I'm not really looking for anything,” he said and shook his head.

”Well, you should be looking at Liam. He was so cute too. Like really cute and hot. Like you'd want to take him home and make him a cuppa but also take him home so he could do all sorts of naughty stuff to you.”

”Sounds like you should get his number.”

”I might! I'm a certified lesbian but he had me wobbling. But seriously.”

Seriously, Louis wasn't looking. For friends, yes. For someone to do naughty stuff with? No. Besides.

”We don't even know if he's single. Or likes men.”

Jade was unperturbed by those tiny details. ”Sometimes you just have to throw it and yourself out there. If he's not a dick he'll take interest as a compliment even if he's straight and married. But we can always fish for more information next week if not knowing bothers you.”

It didn't bother him since he wasn't actually interested in dating Liam. But the scraping of chairs on the other side of the door announced end of bingo and of conversation and Jade had started humming _Waterfalls_.

 


	18. Chapter 18

Thursday was the day Harry did his weekly shop. He tried his best to be extremely organised about it; planning meals and making lists. And following through. He enjoyed cooking but easily lost inspiration when he was the only one to eat it. Lately he'd started cooking for Perrie because her lunch mainly consisted of pure rubbish. She was highly suspicious of anything that wasn't rubbish, especially at first. But she'd at least stopped looking like the daily tupperware would blow up in her face. Today she'd even cheered because she recognised ”that chickpea thingy” that she liked.

Not much else to cheer about. Well, Maggie had brought shortbread to the stitch and bitch and given what was left of it to Harry. He had graciously shared it with his colleagues because he was a good person and Rob in particular needed some cheering up. Because that was the not so cheery part, the creative writing group meant to have its first meeting in two weeks but they didn't have a teacher. Rob really didn't want to cancel and had spent two days trying to find a replacement for the popular local author who had had to back out. But it needed to be someone local – and cheap – and it wasn't an easy task.

Harry put the kettle on and started putting most of the groceries away. The jar of Branston pickle, that hadn't been on any list or plan, stayed on the table. Felt like a good night for a sandwich and turned out to be a good night for a sandwich. He ate it at the kitchen table while checking his phone to see if anyone had a more exciting night. Mary Oliver had died, prince Philip hadn't, politics still a mess. Gemma was in love with her evil cat. Jake had posted a moody, shirtless selfie...

Closing instagram and giving facebook a go instead then. His mum had shared cat photos because apparently that was all the women in his family did. Niall had shared an article about Ashley Cole potentially signing with Derby and debate was raging in the comments to the point where Niall had stepped out of it and caps locked that he was done talking about it and did anyone have anything else they wanted to talk about, literally anything at all.

Harry smiled and suggested sandwiches as next topic.

 

 


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm about to fall asleep and this is Not Good.
> 
> Aaaaaand I could have foreshadowed this way better since I actually knew this was coming. But I think I said from the beginning that I have no idea what I'm doing? I hope I did.

_Did Harry call you?_

Normally Louis left texts unanswered for a few hours for no good reason, but this one that made his phone buzz on the kitchen table was confusing enough for him to thumb out a reply to Niall.

_Did Harry who call me about what?_

He dished out rice and stir-fry and picked up when Niall called. ”Explain?”

”Don't hate me.”

”I would never but you're making me nervous now. Just... out with it.”

Niall took a deep breath as if to prepare himself. ”So I was chatting to my friend Harry yesterday. About sandwiches. And I told him I knew someone who was part of setting the sandwich making record in 2013 - ”

”Of course you do.”

”That's what he said! And then he said 'Maybe you know a writer too. One who can teach.' and I said - ” Oh, no. ”I said I did because how crazy was that! And then he assumed you lived in London and I said no and realised how fucking stupid I've been because you live like twenty minutes apart or something and I could've introduced you years ago if I'd realised. So I gave him your number and your email because the library where he works has this creative writing thing and the teacher pulled out and I said he should ask you.”

”Niall.”

”I'm sorry! You can turn it down. But like... maybe this could be a good thing.”

The fuck it could.

”You know I don't write anymore. Or teach.” His voice sounded terrible even to his own ears. The food in front of him looked ready to swallow him rather than the other way around and he mechanically took a bite to prevent it.

”I know,” Niall said in a low and painfully careful voice. ”Or I wasn't sure about the writing.” He sounded sad and Louis chewed dust. ”But what are the odds. That he needs someone and you're right there.”

Louis didn't answer.

 


	20. Chapter 20

”Has he answered yet?”

Harry looked up from the cart of books he was reshelving and gave Rob his most patient smile.

”He said he'd think about it over the weekend and get back to us on Monday. I told you that and I even forwarded the email. As far as I know it's still Saturday. Based on all that lego your carting around I'm like totally sure it's Saturday.”

”No need to get smart,” Rob huffed and pushed his lego trolley past Harry on his way to Lego Club. ”I was just wondering. He might have made up his mind already.”

”I'll let you know the second I hear from him,” Harry promised. ”Please don't drive yourself mad over this.”

Rob laughed all the way to Lego Club and Harry sincerely hoped Niall's friend would be able to help out and let them know before Rob perished from the stress. He really didn't want to cancel. Neither did he want to contact the writing group and tell them that instead of Amanda James they would get Louis Tomlinson. But Harry knew he'd much rather do that. Besides, Louis was probably a great person. And he was a teacher and had a book published. They could hardly find anyone better. Plus he was a friend of Niall's.

Unsurprisingly he had no email from Louis when he returned to his station. Harry had sent him the information he and Rob had sent to the other potential teachers they'd found, with a short introduction explaining how he'd gotten the address from Niall. Louis had sent a short and quick reply saying he'd think about it and get in touch after the weekend. Very reasonable. Except Rob would most definitely drive himself mad before then. Maybe Harry should text Nat and urge her to keep Rob extremely busy tomorrow to avoid that.

Personally, Harry looked forward to a relaxed weekend once he got off work. No date, no night out, just some home alone time tonight and then swimming and brunch with Hannah tomorrow as usual. Contrary to popular belief, he was perfectly capable of empty spaces in his social calendar. Yes, he liked to be around people and yes, he would love a partner to share things with, but he could definitely be alone and enjoy it. Tonight he'd planned to watch the new netflix shows everyone was talking about and eat a lot of pizza and pick and mix. He would have a great night.

 


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Louis' mother is alive in this fic and in this chapter.

Niall Horan sure knew how to ruin a weekend.

Okay, that was a tad dramatic. Also very much in the vein of what Louis could've written in a book. Back when he fancied himself a writer.

Because the thing was, he had written a book. He had written it and had it bought and published by a real publishing company. By people who believed in him and wanted to see where he was going. Turned out he was going absolutely nowhere.

And now Niall wanted him to teach others how to write? Which, okay, those who can't do, teach and all that. Only he felt like he should also count himself in the those who can't teach category. Because the other thing was, he had been a teacher. He had the degree and everything. Not that it meant anything anymore. The person he was now... the person he was now didn't write and he didn't teach and he didn't do much of anything. The person he was now celebrated such astonishing achievements as eating three meals a day and walking into the melee of a dance floor to feel the touch of another human being for thirty seconds. The person he was now did not accept a teaching job at some library to teach writing.

What a fucking joke.

He threw the old toothbrush aside when the phone rang because fuck his bathroom tiles. He reached for the phone and leaned back against the wall. ”Hi mum.”

”Hello darling! Sorry I missed your call earlier, we had a stuffed bear emergency!”

Just hearing her voice settled some of the storm inside and that's why he'd called her in the first place. He was thirty years old and his mum made everything better. That was something he wouldn't beat himself up over.

”Bernie?” Bernie Bear was Ernie's favourite and it was a wonder there was still anything left of him to mend.

”He needed his eye re-attached.”

”Good thing you're a nurse.”

”I am extremely qualified,” his mum agreed with a laugh. ”Everything alright? Need me to bring out the needle or just lend an ear?”

Staring at the half-cleaned grout of his bathroom Louis sighed. ”I've been asked to teach a creative writing class. Like a night class. At a library.”

”Darling, that's amazing!”

”But I don't do that anymore?”

”I know you haven't done it in a few years, but that doesn't mean you can't do it now.”

”Pretty sure it does.”

”Pretty sure it doesn't. How did this come about? And when does it start?”

Louis explained about Niall and told her what the email had told him. He'd probably read it enough to quote it almost verbatim. And Jay Deakin took the lending an ear business seriously as always and listened quietly before talking.

”It is quite short notice so basically they'll be happy with almost anything you can put together. But, it is almost two weeks left and you have time to put together something great and that's what you'll do because you wouldn't have it any other way. And this is mature students. They'll probably have an idea of what they want and you can discuss the plan with them and adjust it if needed. And since it's only once a month you'll have plenty of time to prepare in between.”

She sounded so sure but he wasn't. ”Not sure that's enough.”

”But you know these things!” Jay argued. ”You're rusty, but it's all in there. You've been reading since you were five and writing for about as long. You know what works and what doesn't. And you're a bloody brilliant teacher. People listen to you and trust you. They _like_ you.”

”The person I was.”

”The person you _are_. I refuse to think you've lost any of that.”

But what if he had.

 

 


	22. Chapter 22

”He said yes!”

For about twenty seconds Harry stared at Rob's exuberant face and thought yet another one of the people around him was getting married. Then he remembered Rob's wife.

”Louis?”

”Yes! He called just now and said he'd do it. He apologised for not having as much experience as Amanda James but at this point I'm grateful for whatever honestly. And I think it will be good. I really liked his book.” Rob was almost bouncing from the relief coursing through him.

”You read his book?”

”Yes! It's this really funny gay coming of age story? You should read it! I left it at home but I'll bring it to spinning!”

Ugh. As if he'd have the energy to read after spinning. ”Tomorrow is fine, really.” Now, how to suggest some caution without completely popping Rob's excitement balloon? ”I'm sure he'll be great, but you'll have to contact the people who signed up and let them know about the change. Not saying everyone signed up to learn from Amanda James, but some of them probably did.”

Poor Rob if his baby became an even bigger failure than Harry's yoga. Poor _Louis_ if everyone dropped out. Even if he only jumped in to help a friend of a friend and wouldn't care if everything was cancelled, quite the blow to the self-esteem. Hopefully that wouldn't happen.

Rob wasn't too bothered, the bounce still in his step as he turned to leave. ”Of course! Louis wanted to get the group involved in planning as soon as possible so I'm going to go write an email now. Just wanted to share the happy news in person!”

Harry smiled. ”Thank you for telling me. Congratulations.”

Aaaaand he was alone again. Harry didn't have a problem with Mondays in general but this one was incredibly slow and apparently only the most self-sufficient library patrons were in the building because no one needed him. He'd already taken care of returned books, tweeted about upcoming activities and seen the crafts group come and go.

He could send a thank you message to Louis? Yes, that would only be polite. But it'd be weird to send it from his work email, wouldn't it? This was more of a personal thank you. And it wasn't like anyone would suddenly show up and scold him for sending private texts when he should be working.

He quickly looked up Louis' number from his conversation with Niall and composed a text. As awkward as it was to text someone you'd never met or talked to. It was why he'd decided to stick to a professional email in the first contact.

Oh, whatever.

Or not whatever. This was a potential new friend, wasn't it? Or potential new more-than-friend if he'd written a gay coming of age book because that was something you'd probably only do if you were gay and had come of age. Niall hadn't said much about him, only gone ” _fuck, I should have introduced you guys ages ago_ ” which was probably an indication that he thought they'd get on well. He could at least try to make a good impression.

_You just made Rob very happy! Thank you so much for doing this!_

Maybe should've signed that, yes. Not like Louis had him saved in his contacts. This was already a mess. _This is Harry by the way. Niall gave me your number. Sorry if this is weird!_ It was only weird because he was making it weird but start as you intend to go on.

His phone lit up with a reply almost immediately. _Hi Harry. I'm quietly bricking it actually, but maybe don't tell him that._

Harry snorted. _I won't. But we're both sure you'll be wonderful. Just let us know if there's anything we can do to help._ He got a quick _thanks_ back and put his phone away just as an actual human approached him.

”Excuse me, I'm looking for the new Amanda James.”

 

 


	23. Chapter 23

Louis got off work at nine and was welcomed by his second ” _Don't hate me_ ” in less than a week. This time in a message from Jade that continued ” _but I gave Liam your number_ ”.

Starting the walk home through town he tried to figure out how he felt about that. A majority of the time, his top two feelings were numbness and apathy so when he had any other he tried to do the homework and identify them. Even if he wasn't in therapy at the moment.

He'd stressed about the teaching thing and would continue to do so. But there were moments of... exhilaration? Adrenaline rushes making him reply to those texts from Harry faster than he responded to his mother. Only to regret admitting how nervous he was to a complete stranger when he should be professional. He would be professional. Having a plan would help with the unhelpful feelings.

And now there was this thing with Liam. Was he annoyed? Did he have any sort of butterflies? Moths eating at his insides? He needed more information to avoid unnecessary dramatics and animal infestations.

He crossed the empty road before getting his phone out. No need to let this become a thing when he could just ask. _Did he ask for it or did you just force it on him?_ he sent to Jade.

The thought of Liam asking... did cause the tiniest fluttering inside him. And he wanted to kill it with facts. No, of course he hadn't asked. As if he'd made such a great impression that Liam would ask Jade for his number when he wasn't there. Get the fuck over yourself.

_I asked if he wanted yours too when he asked for mine and he said yes. But he asked where you were before that! It wasn't like I had to remind him of your existence!_

Oh. He unlocked his door and kicked off his shoes in the hallway. Didn't exactly scream of passion. Was he disappointed now? God. His ego would've loved the boost of someone being interested in him, was that it?

Identifying emotions when they were so fucking conflicting was a pain.

_If you didn't make it awkward I guess I won't hate you._

_Promise I didn't! I'll send you his number so you can make the first move or explain how uninterested you are!_

Louis had no intention of doing either of those things but he saved Liam's number – the second guy he'd added that week – and said good night to Jade. Then he made a cup of tea to drown the moths and butterflies.

 


	24. Chapter 24

At one point in life, a rather long stretch of life actually, the only real career option Harry had considered for himself was rock star. _Maybe_ movie star. Or both. Probably with some modelling thrown in there. But when his boyfriend at the time got tired of London after losing yet another shitty job and had another one lined up in his small hometown, Harry had gone with him. Agreeing that, yes Danny, he was probably better suited to be a big star in a small pond and nothing was really happening in London.

Five years later he did amateur theatre in that small pond while Danny was married to his girlfriend from school who sometimes came to Bounce & Rhyme with their toddler.

Five years later he did amateur theatre with a guy he'd the week before awkwardly told he wasn't interested in dating. Or casual sex. Which was kind of a lie and kind of not because what he was interested in was a committed relationship with a man his own age or older and sex within that committed relationship. But thanks for the blowjob, was great, just not a thing that would happen again, ever.

”Hey, Hazza, want to grab something to eat after?”

Was that Jake ignoring the message Harry had tried to send or was it Jake trying to move on as friends? Hard to tell. Either way, he'd already eaten.

”Sorry. Us old people need to get home early to be fit for work tomorrow.”

Jake rolled his eyes. ”Excuses. You're definitely fit enough,” he drawled and wasn't exactly subtle when he checked Harry out but that was kind of the point, wasn't it. ”Sorry I missed your yoga last week. Know I promised to come.”

Oh yeah. Last week had been Jake posting pouting, shirtless selfies on instagram. He seemed to have bounced back now.

”No worries. You can always come this week.”

”You want me to come?”

Either it was the way he said it or they'd said the word ”come” enough for it to sound strange, but Harry wasn't sure what Jake was asking. He was however pretty sure that he was back to his rather blatant flirting and Harry started to suspect that was something he'd have to live with.

 


	25. Chapter 25

He woke up, drenched in sweat and heart pumping furiously, and didn't need to reach for his phone to know that it was a stupid hour to wake up. He also knew he wouldn't be able to go back to sleep.

Ripping the sheets off the bed and the clothes off his body, Louis dropped it all on the floor and walked naked to the bathroom. He didn't make any effort to wash himself. Just stood under the hot spray and let it calm his heart if not his mind. Flashes of dream and memories.

It'd been a while since nightmares.

 

 


	26. Chapter 26

A Friday night without a plan was just asking for a Saturday morning of regrets. Harry knew this. That's why he tried to always have a plan.This week the plan had been Hannah. Hannah's plan had not been migraine, but it had still happened, and she was not in the mood for wine or talking or company.

Harry was in the mood for company. And he had other friends than Hannah. He had his theatre people, the first friends he'd made here that weren't part of Danny's life. But they were either younger like Jake and he could not go there, or older with families. And there was some kind of limit to how many family nights you could insert yourself in. He'd probably passed it a few years ago.

Then he had his work friends. Rob and Nat would be delighted to have him. But again. Limit. Passed. If not from their point of view, then from his. Perrie was a, too cool for him and b, with her boyfriend in Liverpool on weekends.

All this left Harry dangerously close to a night where he told himself he would watch a film or actually work on his teetering piles of books waiting to be read, but in the end only drink himself sad on wine while aimlessly scrolling social media and then wake up to that dreaded Saturday morning of regrets.

Unless...

Unless he could make some new friends. He rolled over from his face-down and self-pitying position on the sofa and reached for his phone from the table.

_Hiii! I'm bored. Wanna do something tonight?_

It was maybe or definitely overly familiar for a second text convo with someone you'd never met, but if Niall had been beating himself up for not introducing him and Louis sooner he'd probably appreciate them getting the show on the road themselves. And if they'd missed out on years of friendship, Harry didn't want to waste even more time.

Louis was not as quick to reply as he'd been the other day and Harry rolled back on his stomach. It was fine. He was probably the only person who hadn't read _Normal People_ yet. He could make a cup of tea and spend the night reading. Or he could read _Louis'_ book. The library only had one copy and people from the creative writing group might want to borrow it next.

His phone dinged with a message notification and he lifted his head to read. _Did you mean to send this to me?_

Christ. _Yes, Louis. Niall probably wants us to become besties and we might as well start tonight!_

Too much, too much, too much. Harry groaned into the sofa cushion.

_I'm working._ Harry didn't have time to type a reply telling Louis to forget about the whole thing, apologising for disturbing before Louis followed up with a polite _Another time?_ and Harry only said _yes, sure!_ instead.

The phone was still in his hand. He should either do something with it or hide it somewhere.

He looked at the book pile on the side table and sighed.

 

 


	27. Chapter 27

 

”They're gonna beg to come every week now,” Jay sighed. By the look in her eyes watching the twins, Louis gathered she'd probably let them.

”They sell annual passes,” he smiled and watched his brother and sister press their noses against the glass to get closer to the stingrays and baby sharks.

He'd spent a few days nervously waiting to see if Liam would call him but the only one who had called was his mother. And then that random text from Harry asking to hang out that he'd automatically turned down with a lie about work. That was not how you made friends.

He hadn't turned down his mum when she'd asked if she could bring the kids for a visit and that was why he was now looking at sea creatures. Or watching his siblings look at sea creatures when their fascination lived longer than his. So far they'd been entranced by absolutely everything and with three hours until closing time, Louis was fully prepared to just spend the rest of the day with the rays but his mother had had enough.

”Time to find the seahorses and the unicorn fish!” she proclaimed and the twins woke from their daze.

”Unicorn?!”

It was a really lovely day. He read the information signs to Doris and Ernie and marvelled at weird facts with them. When they got to the green sea turtle named Lulu Doris giggled and suddenly he had a new nickname.

”Maybe they can come and stay the night some time? Maybe a weekend?” he suggested when he stepped back from a discussion about jellyfish and jelly babies. He glanced at Jay who looked at him and he could recognise the love he saw when she looked at the kids.

”You sure you're ready for that?” she asked.

He shrugged. ”In the spring or summer maybe? If you trust me with them.”

”Darling. Of course I do.” Her hand reached out to squeeze and hold his. ”But they're a handful. I mean, Ern you could give some paper and a box of crayons and he's good for hours. Dot needs constant attention. Much like this other kid I remember.”

Louis rolled his eyes. ”I'm fine with a box of crayons these days. Won't draw on walls or anything.”

”But who do you show your drawings when they're done?”

Oh, no. They were not doing this now. ”Mum...”

”I don't like how lonely you are out here. I know you chose this and I'm not going to ask you to move home. But I don't like it.”

”Niall's already threatened to drag me to London if I don't make friends soon.”

”Niall is a good friend,” Jay nodded. ”How's that going then?”

He told her about Liam and Harry and toned down the part about his gut reaction being to decline any potential or actually proffered invitations.

”And are these friends or is there something else going on?”

”Strictly friends,” he said firmly to stop her fishing and hoping. ”I'm not ready for anything else. You know how I threw myself into that thing with Matt when I wasn't ready. I'm not doing that again.”

”That was three years ago. You're not in the same place now. And I'm worried you're only making it harder for yourself the longer you wait.”

He stared at the gelatinous blobs on the other side of the glass. ”I don't think this is the time or place to talk about this. Can't you just be happy I'm trying to make friends? For now?”

She pulled him in for a side-hug with her arm around his waist. ”I can. And it's not like I'm ready to start bugging you about grandchildren when I still have kids who struggle to make it to the loo on time.” With a little laugh she gave him a final squeeze and walked over to the twins. ”Doris, do you need a bathroom break?”

 

 


	28. Chapter 28

Most Sundays, Harry and Hannah went out for brunch after swimming, but today Harry had impulsively decided to make pancakes and they'd ended up in his kitchen instead. Hannah had gone by the shop for some fruit and berries while he'd gone home to get started on the batter. His pancakes were better than any they could get anywhere else. In his own, humble, opinion. And Hannah raised her mimosa to his cooking so she obviously agreed. And they were having mimosas because Hannah had counted that to fruit and berries.

”We were meant to spend Friday night drinking wine so I think we can give ourselves this instead,” she'd argued. ”And you didn't show up hungover to swimming for once so I'm guessing you didn't have any last night either.”

”You're hungover two Sundays in a row and suddenly not doing it is an exception?” he whined. ”Let me live.”

”I'm totally letting you live. Sorry about Friday by the way. I know you don't like late change of plans.”

He didn't, but he wasn't a monster. ”It's fine, you weren't feeling well. And I ended up babysitting for Rob and Nat so it was fine.” Everything was fine, fine, fine. He'd had a great time with the kids. His nails were still in a totally garish green colour that kind of worked and he showed them to Hannah in case she'd missed it.

”Oh, that was the kids? I thought that was … never mind.”

”Hey. I know I kind of suck doing my right hand but I'm still better than a five-year-old.” He was.

Hannah nodded. ”Yes, of course. Now that I've had a closer look. But seriously, Harry, we need to sort out your life a bit. I don't think babysitting for your friends and getting drunk home and alone is how you want your weekends to be. Maybe we should go over your Tinder profile?”

Harry got up to make himself another drink. Hannah could probably help. And he did want to meet someone. But...

”Shouldn't I be okay on my own though?” he asked. ”You're not drinking yourself to sleep on a Saturday because you didn't have anyone to spend the night with.”

”Well. No. But we're not the same person. I'm not interested in having a relationship. You are. And it's okay to want a relationship. It's okay to be sad about it. But for some reason you've been _really_ sad about it lately and I think it's time to do something about it. Give me your phone.”

 

 


	29. Chapter 29

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> today I am very Louis. or Louis is very me.

So he'd had the brilliant idea to sit down and write.

It hadn't worked.

He'd read the emails Rob had forwarded from the creative writing group. He'd read about their hopes and aspirations, their experience and insecurities. He'd read writing guides on structure and character and setting and dialogue and he'd put all of it aside to open a new document and just write something. Hundred words. Just something.

But nothing.

Because he knew nothing. He didn't know how people talked to each other. He didn't know how their faces and bodies moved. He couldn't tell the colour of their eyes or the sound of their voice. He didn't know how to express emotion. And he sure didn't know how to teach anyone anything and this had all been a huge fucking mistake.

 


	30. Chapter 30

”Isn't it incredible how this month has been 112 days long? I thought they'd capped it at 31.”

”I know. And it isn't over yet.”

”So it'll be what? 146 days?”

”Yes. On the 146th of January you'll go to mum's and then hopefully it'll be February when you wake up.”

”My biiiiiiiiiirthday!”

”Your birthday. On which you get to sleep in if you like and mum lets you. My train isn't in York until two.”

”So we pick you up at two and then we go to Aardvark?”

”Aldwark! Do you want to share a room or do you want one for yourself? Or do you want to share with mum?”

”If I'm going spend Thursday night and then two hours in the car with her I don't think I need to share a room with her for two nights. She's all yours.”

”I mean, you and I could share? Unless you need the room for yourself?”

”It's not like I'm going to find someone to hook up with at a spa. You don't want to share with mum? You could stay up all night and talk about your cats?”

”I'm going to miss Lulu so much! God. The sacrifices I make for you.”

”Yes, Gemma, truly a hardship to go on a spa weekend and leave your evil cat for two nights.”

”I love her so much.”

”I'll tell Sam you're more sad about leaving the cat than him.”

”Oh, he knows. I'm only with him for his cooking. I should go see if he's got dinner ready actually. Something smells amazing.”

”Okay.”

”You have a good night, yeah? See you Friday?”

”Yeah. Say hi to Sam.”

”And Lulu.”

”Oh, fuck off.”

 


	31. Chapter 31

So there was Liam. And a baby.

The fact that Liam was already there was a surprise, because Louis himself was early. But yes, the baby was the bigger surprise. No baby had been mentioned. And they had texted. And talked in person. Liam had texted to see if Louis was coming to choir and wanted to grab something to eat before. Louis had autoreplied that he couldn't do dinner. Then he'd immediately regretted it, dried his sweaty palms and suggested Wednesday instead. If Liam was free. And Liam had said that he was. Liam had not said ”hey, I'm going to bring a baby”.

Louis slowly approached the table in the corner where Liam and the baby were already eating. Or the baby was. ”Hello.”

Liam looked up from the spoon of mush he was holding. ”Oh, hi!” He bit his lip and looked from Louis to the baby. The baby. ”Luna couldn't wait for you to join us.”

”I hope she's leaving some for me at least. Looks yummy.” Louis put his jacket on the back of the empty chair and sat down.

”I'm sorry. This is weird, isn't it? I should have said.”

The baby, _Luna_ , opened her mouth for a new spoonful of mush. ”Well... It's a surprise. But a very cute one. Do you want me to go order?”

”Would you? Just, whatever today's special is.”

So this probably meant Liam was only looking for friendship. Right? Or wrong? Louis took a minute to look at the menu boards but didn't really register anything. The special was chicken pie and he ordered it for the both of them. If you were looking to date someone you'd probably find another way to introduce your daughter. Right? Or wrong?

He'd been driving himself mad with the writing class prep but taken a break to worry about this lunch date. He'd tried to think of topics to talk about. The weather was always a classic. They'd had some snow today. Singing. Work. Brexit if he really had to. But then he'd walked in to the cafe and there was a baby and that kind of turned things upside down.

”I'm really sorry,” Liam said when Louis sat back down. ”I should have told you about her but I didn't know how to bring it up. The thing is I talk about her all the time. Because she's the absolute best thing in the world. And I'm a stay-at-home dad so we spend a lot of time together. But Sarah thought I needed some me time? That wasn't all about Luna? So I started going to the choir and decided to not talk about her at all. Unless someone asked of course, I wasn't gonna lie about being a dad. But I really wanted to try and be more than a dad. Like, be a person who could have friends. Talk to people who could talk. Does that make sense?”

Did it? Louis tried to sort out the mass of words Liam had poured out over the table. ”I think so. Is Sarah your wife?”

”Girlfriend! Luna's mum. Your smart and beautiful mummy, huh?” he added to Luna who grinned and showed two teeth. ”She told me to give you some kind of warning and I meant to, honestly.” Their food arrived and Liam paused to thank the woman who brought it. ”I just chickened out. Is this chicken? Haha!”

Wasn't it funny how Louis could suddenly see how attractive Liam was? Now that he knew that he had a girlfriend? Bubbly and cute with crinkles by his eyes when he smiled. Geeky in his glasses. Kind of fluffy with his brown hair and beard. And extremely hot with a cute baby on his lap.

Louis cleared his throat. ”Honestly? I'm just relieved this isn't a date.”

”You are?! Oh, thank god. I hadn't even thought about that, but then Sarah said 'what if he thinks it's a date?' and I was like 'oh god'. But you didn't?”

”I didn't know what it was. But I'm happy it wasn't. I'm not looking for a boyfriend. Could do with a friend or two though.”

”Luna and I are kind of desperate for a friend actually. If you'll have us. I talk to much and she's a bit grumpy when she's tired but other than that I'd say we're quite cool.”

They weren't. Or maybe Luna was. She rocked that rainbow hairband despite having almost no hair. Liam was incredibly uncool. But so was Louis. And he was also desperate for a friend.

 

 


	32. Chapter 32

Harry hadn't packed and was mildly annoyed with himself. If he'd done it yesterday, or this morning, he could have gone straight from work. Now he had to go home, pack, get distracted by shit and leave much later. It wasn't that long of a drive but still. Annoying. All he had to do was throw some joggers and his toothbrush in a bag basically. Why was it so hard?

In the parallel life where he was a rock star he was probably an excellent packer. Used to travelling and living in a suitcase. Or he had people packing for him. And had multiple houses he travelled between and didn't need to pack much.

His daydreaming was interrupted by someone clearing their throat to get his attention. Because he wasn't a rock star selling out arenas; he was the face of a small town library and should smile and be welcoming and – fuck.

The guy was gorgeous. Harry straightened his shirt and himself and cleared his own throat to avoid an awkard squeak.

”Hello, how can I help you?” Instead of squeaky his voice was all deep and sultry and highly inappropriate but bloody hell. Give him a break. He was off in twenty minutes. It was almost his birthday.

”I'm looking for Rob Davis?”

Oh. ”Oh. Oh! You're Louis?” Of course. Of course, of course, of course. God. He would kill Niall.

”Yes. Are you Harry then?”

”I am.” He was Harry, and he was also staring. Partly because Louis was beautiful. Partly because he looked familiar. Like a soulmate, a lover from an alternate universe, or more realistically someone he'd seen on Niall's instagram. He would definitely kill Niall for not introducing them sooner.

”Nice to meet you,” Louis said but sounded hesitant. Probably because Harry was just standing there, staring.

”You too! Let me show you to the Blue room. No. Green. Sorry.” Blue was the colour of his eyes and Harry seriously needed to get a grip. He moved from behind his work station and asked Louis to follow him. ”We'll probably find Rob on the way. Or I'll help you set up and then I'll go look for him.”

”Thank you.”

Even Louis' voice was familiar. And lovely. Harry kept up the small talk to hear more of it but Louis seemed kind of tense and he wanted to tell him not to be nervous. But if Louis was trying to hide his nerves it would be stupid to bring attention to them. What Harry should do was let Louis prepare in peace and go get Rob for him. But he didn't want to leave.

”Can I get you anything else? Coffee?”

Louis smiled. ”I'm good. But thanks, mate.”

Mate, mate, mate, mate... Harry was almost at Rob's station when it hit him and he had to stop and close his eyes for a second. _Don't think we could, mate._ He didn't recognise Louis from another life or from Niall's photos. It was drunk Harry from the past who had met him. And proposed to him. Fuck. Had Louis recognised him?

”Everything alright?”

Harry opened his eyes and found Rob looking at him. ”Splendid.” Marvellous, excellent, wonderful. Maybe he should pack more than a toothbrush. Maybe he should pack everything he owned and move to Finland. ”Louis is here.”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have now managed to write every day for an entire month. Yay! Next challenge is to write every day, but better. And not post every day. I'm thinking weekly updates in February. Wish me luck.


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